A Well-Trained Wife

June 3, 2024
Levings debuts with a searing account of how she fled her abusive marriage and the fundamentalist theology in which it was rooted. Raised in a Southern Baptist church to believe she was destined to become a Christian wife and mother, the author met her future husband at 18 and married him a year later. She worked to accustom herself to his fits of rage, which worsened as he became interested in a strict Calvinist theology and began to physically abuse her. As the grim realities of their fundamentalist life set in (“No consent. No contraception. No choice”), she found solace in her children and the blog she began in the early aughts. Realizing that “I liked writer-Tia way more than church-Tia,” Levings sought to take control of her life, eventually leaving with her children in the middle of the night in 2007 and devoting herself to exposing the dangers of Christian fundamentalism. Levings’s visceral prose holds nothing back, and her efforts to let go of the patriarchal beliefs of her youth fascinate (after learning in therapy about the “fight-flight-freeze-fawn” response to trauma, she realized that fawning characterized her “entire childhood”: “It was in the tone of voice we were taught to use... our servant hearts”). This stands out among the rising tide of memoirs from those who’ve left the evangelical church.

Starred review from June 15, 2024
A compelling, often disturbing account of one woman's life in Christian fundamentalism. After moving from Michigan to Florida, Levings' mother thought joining a church might help the family acclimate to their new surroundings. The author, then a budding adolescent, was leery of the Baptist megachurch but eventually acquiesced. From there, the author progressed through youth group, summer camp, and a Christian school run by a Billy Graham-type figure. These influences provided a steady, unified stream of fundamentalist doctrine that led the author to blow past numerous red flags and marry her abusive boyfriend at age 19. Believing that his behavior was partly caused by her not being submissive enough, she tried to appease him by yielding more fully to his demands. Instead, it further fueled his tyrannical view of biblical patriarchy. When Levings failed to meet his expectations, he spanked her with a belt and mandated sex as a necessary part of the discipline process. "He wanted me to call him 'my lord, '" she writes. "Wear only dresses. Cover my head with a scarf to show submission and modesty." Meanwhile, she writes, he "turned to the men's forums where husbands could get advice on how to make their wives cooperate." Eventually, Levings discovered a virtual community of liberal-leaning, art-loving Christian women who, among others, provided a safety net when her marriage came to a cataclysmic head. The author pulls no punches in recounting nearly 15 years of oppression and abuse, painting a visceral portrait of her then-monochromatic world with bold strokes of linguistic color and sensory detail. This book stands out among other narratives about overcoming religious trauma in that it peels back the layers of Christian fundamentalism, exposing why it's so attractive to people hungry for assurance and certainty. A devastatingly triumphant story that will be a beacon for many women who suffer in silence.

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