The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
June 13, 2022
This perceptive volume by psychotherapist Lieberman (Never Get Angry Again) imparts techniques to better understand the thoughts, motivations, and emotions of others. He draws on his psychology background to offer pointers on decoding someone’s values, mental health, honesty, and hidden emotions, and asserts that the order in which someone talks about others can reveal their true feelings. For example, Lieberman recounts catching up with a friend who paraded numerous photos of his dog before briefly showing two of his kids, suggesting his friend had a complicated relationship with his children that he didn’t want to dwell on. Examining how others react to challenges can indicate their general outlook, the author contends, noting that those who make such remarks as “everything is ruined” tend to have poor mental health because they think in absolutist terms that view setbacks as indicative of complete failure. Lieberman also discusses how to spot a lie, positing that those with something to hide might angle their bodies toward the exit or give long-winded defenses against accusations. The author doesn’t provide much research to support his claims, but readers will find his straightforward explanations logical and reasonable. This accessible pop psychology volume makes for a solid primer on getting into other people’s heads.
July 1, 2022
The latest from the veteran psychotherapist and author of Get Anyone To Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. Readers will perk up at Lieberman's claim to offer "near-telepathic" techniques to reveal what people think and detect lies. "You will be privy to what lies deep in their subconscious mind," he writes, "even when they themselves may be in denial and unwilling (or unable) to confront their thoughts, feelings, and fears on a conscious level." The author is well versed in the latest advances in psycholinguistics and neurophysiology, but no mind reading miracles appear. Nonetheless, Lieberman is a fine writer, so readers searching for sensible clues that someone might be deceiving them will receive a solid education along with sporadic warnings not to rely on a single tactic. Despite a deep understanding of human psychology and the occasional caution, Lieberman hints but never stresses that no perfect lie detector (human or electronic) exists--not even one that is 95% effective. The best human lie detectors--interrogation experts with the police, military, CIA, FBI, etc.--regularly indict innocent suspects, and criminology gurus who proclaim techniques for ferreting out the guilty are almost always debunked. Near the halfway point of the text, Lieberman changes course, eschewing clues for winning at poker in favor of an excellent primer on healthy versus pathological human behavior. Perhaps most intriguing is the author's explanation of the contrast between self-esteem and egotism, qualities that seem similar but are inversely related. Individuals with self-esteem like themselves, so they don't require respect from others to feel worthy. As self-esteem declines, egotism assumes power to defend against a presumably hostile world--or at least to make excuses. Egotists seem powerful, but the opposite is true: "It's the insecure person who has to tell us how confident he is--because that's the only way we're going to find out." Good clues for detecting lies but better insights into human nature.
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